intoxicatedamind's blog

last.

the last day.

sunshine, breezes, phone conversations in grass. blue skies. harry potter.

 

backtrack.

wait...i don't want to sound concieted or come off as snobbish when i say i want a guy like that.

i just want someone who finds everything about me great, even the parts i despise about myself. and someone who finds all the stupid things i do endearing. :/

3 more.

3 more nights and i'm gone.

you know, at this time last year, i couldn't wait to start school. that's cause everyone at home was a bitch.

maybe the bitchiness has eased up, maybe i've learned to deal.

the point is that i got 3 more nights. before i have to give them up.

it's like i'm sacrificing myself for another part of myself.

j lied to their mom. and i asked and it was like.. yeah. *laughs about it like it's no big deal*

IT IS A BIG DEAL! :[

i was pretty pissed about that for a whle. but it does seem like a small thing. but you just...SHOULDN'T. DO. IT.

there was this 100 truths thing that bex and i did. and the second to last question is are you afraid of falling in love. and i said yes because it's so intense of an emotion. but more than that, i'm afraid of not finding anybody.

i want the type of guy who would "be my everything" and expect nothing in return just because he's happy enough to love me. but i'm always going to want to equalize the love he gives me, cause i feel like he's seriously the best thing in this life and i just want to love him.

n's comment from about 2 weeks ago still bothers me. that's just not the kind of thing you say to your 'best friend'. how the hell do you call that a good summer if you saw your best friend like, twice? i know that i'd never say that.

a. *sighs* i just really hope they're  not in my class.

*sighs again*

all i can think about is the last day. and the ultimate sadness i shall feel.  

 

what am i made of?

Self-improvement is for the weak, the strong seek self-destruction.

accept what the Devil offers once in a while.

fire is insanity. something explosive makes you scared of your own capability and your thirst for destruction. makes you believe the Devil really exists. cause God would never create something of this magnitude that could be used for both sides. but then again, didnt God create the Devil as well?

 

i found these.

i read my blog.

i was an angry child.

i say child because my childhood is over.

i mean, there was just so much rage and frustration inside of me. there still is.

i'm just amazed at how much fury is inside of me.

i don't know how i view myself as a person.

my entirety is composed of.....this emotion that is so intense that if it were to be converted into something tangible, it'd be the equivalent of an explosion.

 

the last of the last particles.

 

all i know for sure is that hold few people close to my heart.

and i love music and adrenaline and feeling this certain way i can't describe.

but really. what am i made of?  

no cavitiesssssssssss.

well, hi.

i feel............

 

LIKE I DON'T GOT NO CAVITIES!

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAHHHHHHHHHHH.

 

 

something catchy.

it's not s i n k i n g in.

not the baby, not school, not j. not anything.

i still feel as if i'm in this on-going party on hold.

i still want to immerse myself in sound.

i'm dreading school, the confrontation of a, and a few other things.

it's unnerving.

i went to sleep at 8:30 am.

and when i woke up at midnight from a dense and heavy dream, it was like, shwoah. and i was thinking wildly about the dream i had and how every second i was conscious, precious details of my subconscious dreaming were being robbed from me. And i was like, shit.

this is a deeper kind of midnight.

and so it hit.

and it sunk in.

 

 

hard to concentrate.

hustle, bustle, and so much muscle
our cells about to separate
now i find it hard to concentrate

what a great song.

 

so. i'm worried about ammy. :/

just....confused. both p's keep callin. they still haven't picked up the phone.

i'm usually chill bout absence, but this time is kind of important.

prolly not gonna sleep. at least not willingly.

if anything, i just want to drown in this music.

HOW COULD I WANT SOMETHING SO BAD?

 

summa readin'

summa readin'

california dreamin'

steady trippin'

on low key women.

 

i rhyme, and it sucks........struck.

stars, vertigo, indigo, vertical.

i'm not horizontal.

just not full.

.......of shit.

or maybe.

confusion, repitition. reptilian. influence

vibe.

 

random words.

goat. culture. dandelion. lion. lioness. lying. just lying around.

 

oh, how i wish i could rap.

i'm going to be famous.

not really cause i don't want to, and i think people will hate my lack of fashion sense.

and i really can't imagine my face being plastered on strange surfaces.

eek. odd. 

jus chillin i guess.

 

my dreams are on a train to trainwreck town.

i want to dream, but it is no use.

THEY DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

WHY MUST I DO THAT.

i dont...understand. and it's making me so angry.

 

 

you leave me empty.

i like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane.

i remember. that one day.

the sky was so blue, so pure of a color that it hurt my eyes to look at something so pretty like that.

and it seemed like i was made to simply appreciate that moment.

and i closed my eyes and felt the sun.

and it was easy.

the wind was breezy.

and it was all so good.

too good.

and i sat there singing red hot chili peppers so badly, but it was all so good.

i like pleasure spiked with pain and
music is my aeroplane
it's myyyyy aeroooplaaaaneeeee
songbird sweet and sour Jane and
music is my aeroplane
it's myyyyy aeroplaaaaaaneee

sometimes i wish the sky was red. i want it to reflect how i feel.

i don't feel red today. i feel green, i guess.