intoxicatedamind's blog

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i should go.

you should... but that doesn't always mean that you will. he leaned. too far. he was...too far. i could feel his breath on my neck. and it was like he was miles away on a cold ocean shore watching the horizon for a lost me.

i struggled to repeat myself. nothing made sense but...him.

you belong here more than anyone.

 

say it.

i don't say "fuck" often but when i do, fuck, shits gonna get insane so get the hell outta here.

finally on a desktop to post. been at h's for the past few days.

don't need to say much.

it's summer.

life is...life.

and whatever happens...

undoubtedly, happens.

remember me is a really sad movie.

i'm currently working on a photography project. it'll take forever and a half, but hopefully, i'm more dedicated to this one.

 

with the birds

damn recover. i wrote everything out, but didn't post.

anyways, blah and blah, slipped in mud, fell in the creek. messed around and snuck back in the house. as disgusting as it was, with the sewage water, it was also really fun. it was during the hottest part of the day. and we smelledd, so we crept in and showered. then, after doing random stuff, i decided to take a rollerblading trip. on the bike trail, and it didn't occur to me that it would take wayyyy longerrr. and it was about 4 miles. and also, this guy said: hello. you look very nice today. and his...voice was so...soft. and foreign, he was probably african, but i smiled and said thank you, then rollerbladed a little faster. i mean, this was in the middle of an intense workout for my legs, my hair was in a bun, i was sweaty and overall, NOT very attractive. but the way he said it, seemed like an introduction to something. i'm not sure what, but it seemed like it. he wore a blue and white striped shirt. like something you would hear in a song, or just... i dunno.

then j on the phone. and... well, not much else. oh, and i found out today that i don't have driving classes anymore. so i might go to h's manana instead of wed.

i feel like i'm going to fall and get this huge scar on my shoulder. huge.

scar.

i don't wanna. i don't wanna talk about it.

talking talking.

going to the creek.

and then, you turned into a mailbox.

that, and the cast of friends cooking iftaar in the kitchen. odd dream.

i think someone came. cause i heard the doorbell ring. at 11:16 pm. yayy.

another reason for a yayy is i saw toy story 3 with nyra todayy. and iiiii liked it. it was really creative. very cool. the spanish buzz was really funny. i was really glad i saw nyra today. haven't seen her since school. :/  oh! and chachaa's family is leaving on july 1st! after a whole year...... man. house will be quieter. i wonder how it'll be. haven't seen gg in a while. haven't talked to rebecca in a while. am i too clingy? hmm... went to petland again and played with the ferret.

he's sooo cute. i even named him omlette. sounds regal, i think. if i ever got a ferret, i'd make wear a hat. :]

alex said something. he said 'it feels like ive known you forever. like ive already spent a lifetime with you'

and i'm like...... that's an insanely serious thing to say.

like.....whaaaa?

r, h, n, don't approve. he gets on all of their nerves. and h hasn't even met him! but just.... stop.  on gg, humphrey's wife says "if you want us to work, then you can't talk to her. you're never going to forget your first love if she's still in your life."

and i'm like....... oh. makes sense.

BUT STILL. that's....huge. or...maybe it just seems like that to him. i dunno. :/

i just have an image of flamingos and mailboxes in my head.

FUCK LAKERS

moo.

midjune and its tunes.

i've been humming.

are we living or just walking dead now?

ammy's been elsewhere, i've been with haya, not really attached to much these days. not really any set obligations or... chores, come to think of it. absolutely no homework. sometimes i think about how i have nothing to do. and think that if i WAS going to school, i wouldn't be doing my homework or anything. i dunno, it's like i have this whole thing to do...nothing. i'm not sure if that's good. but.... i think it's a safe bet to say that i need it for now.

and fuck takin it to the streets 2010. i waited three years. and now i can't go. so much..... *deep breath* aleeza doesn't even know who the hell mos def is. WHY ARE YOU GOING IF YOU'RE SCARED OF BLACK PEOPLE AND DON'T TRUST THEIR VIEWS ON ISLAM AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO MOS DEF IS?! like, annoying as hell. i was....just.... damn, i looked forward to summer for THIS. THIS!  just... whatever.

i've been wondering how EASILY it is for other people do things. just, hang out with whoever you want. and to the people who have that priveledge, damnit, by all means, USE IT! what are you DOING! i wish i had that oppurtunity. sadly, i don't. and sadly, it'll be a...while till i can get it. if i ever even do...

we had some chicken liver in the garage from when everyone went fishing (6 days ago) to use as bait, and it smelled...absolutely repulsive. and abbu, God knows WHY he decided to throw that plastic bag over to the side near the lampost on our property. and i'm like.... WHYYYY? but i didn't say anything, me and haya pushed it into a bucket and carried that putrid blue bucket all the way past the dead end to push into the running water there. then we watered the plants. then gossip girl, which is a really good show. then called j again.

OH YEAH. i forgot to mention... i spoke to him. :] then to alex. :D but...... i called nyra, who i couldn't talk to for long, but she asked how it went, which was when i actually thought about it through to formulate a response. and honestly, both were good. but whenever i get a chance, i call both of. because i want to TALK to both of them. and for some reason, God knows WHY i told him that i call both. so he was like, so when you leave one to talk to the other, that means that you don't REALLY need to go. and i froze. cause i had never thought about it like that. ever. and the way he said it, it sounded really bad. and i was like....*silent* but.... man, it just made me feel bad. the difference between them, its so hard to explain. yes, j's great to mess around with and talk to, but so's alex, but it's different because it's easier to say stuff that's not serious to j. but with alex, it's like i want to tell him about what happened, because i feel like he'd actually listen...not better, but...well, maybe it IS better. cause....

wait. why am i so hung up over 'i don't know you'? do i? i don't know. alex kept hinting that he still...that. AND I DON'T GET IT CAUSE HE SAID HE LIKED R. then, i was being all....wavy about him earlier. being with alex is more......calming. i just like it. a lot. yes, there are MANY MANY times where he could CHILL on dropping hints like bombs. where he could be...casual? not uptight and formal. and...he hasn't been recently, and i like that a lot. but with jalon, the silences are still a little heavier than they should be. even though i've known him the same amount of time.

h said i'm always worried about having nobody in my classes. and.. that's true. i have been. since the 6th grade. and i'm still terrified. of being in a class with everybody i hate. and.. javier. please? i think i've had enough. i told n that he "overshadows my true potential" (which i think is completely true, by the way) but honestly? since the seventh grade?! same math and english. i want it to stop. because. just...because. occasionally, i say something reallly rude to him about him not being as smart as he is. then everyone looks at me like i'm jealous, WHICH I'M NOT, but they all idolize him, like if HE can't do it, then it's worthless for us to try because we can't either. *rolls eyes*

it's the night of the seventeenth of june. tomorrow's friday. but i don't have anything planned. (i never do) but i think next wednesday, i'm going to h's and stayin till sun. night. hopefully, we'll try to do something then.

and i'm allowed to be just friends with whoever i want. right?

*confirms self*

right.  

morning view

foggy again.

feel like breaking again.

 

midnight bike rides.

andd i think i'm liking it.

and i'm also seriously considering taking a wrench and switching up a few stop signs.

*does an insane drum solo*

yeahh.....

i still want one.

iguana